What do you want from me?

Or, what a therapist might expect from you.

There is a great pressure brought to bear upon all therapists to be Good, be a good therapist, maybe even be the best therapist possible. Be good enough that lots of people want to come and consult with you, and good enough that each person then wants to return to continue their work. Be good enough that people choose you as their therapist.
There are many voluntary membership bodies in the UK, where in order to gain membership and keep that membership, each therapist signs to agree that they will conduct themselves in a decent manner. If they subsequently do not, the membership body to which the therapist belongs can be informed and the therapist asked to account for their behaviour. Ejection of the therapist from their club of choice can be a consequence of not holding to the agreement.
Whilst these various membership bodies are not in any way statutory regulators, meaning the ejected therapists can continue to practice with impunity because the clubs are not legally bound guardians of the public good, the fact that a therapist has been ‘sent packing’ by any of the memberships can offer some start point to knowing if they are a decently behaved and professional therapist.

An awful lot of looking at the doings of the therapist. There is lots of information out there about what could or would constitute a ‘good therapist’.

But what do therapists expect from the people who consult with them? How does a client know if they are fulfilling any felt sense of being a ‘good enough client’?

For me, I would offer that as in any meaningful relationship, respect is the start point from which many further points can then be drawn. Some examples of what a therapist might find to be respectful towards them could include:

Turn up to your appointments.
Be as on time as reasonably possible.

Pay the fees as agreed in a timely manner.

If matters overtake you and arriving or paying become tricky, contact your therapist and discuss these before they cause concerns. In private practice, it isn’t a viable option to hold appointment times for people who aren’t able to arrive or to pay the fees, as much as we might wish to offer work for free and be available whenever…
Be as present as possible in your appointment – recent heavy or incapacitating levels of alcohol or drug usage could prevent meaningful meetings if the mind is extremely dulled, and might attract legal consequences. (I’m thinking drink driving, etc, here….)

Be responsible for your part in the work. Your therapist will likely expect that it is you that makes necessary contact. Not having messages passed by many people also helps avoid any confusions or miscommunications, and helps to keep your matters within the confidential ‘bubble’.

If you find your work is not quite going as you expected, or isn’t quite what you hoped for, talk to your therapist about this. Sometimes things just don’t work, that’s life, and maybe you’re yet to find the therapist who ‘fits’ with you the best – if this is so, the vast majority of therapists will respect your honesty and genuinely wish you well in your continued search for ‘your person’. And yet sometimes the work is about keeping connection even during those times when it feels tricky….

Respect the boundaries and restrictions of data holding. You may have access to data that is about you any time you wish, under Subject Access Request (see the Information Commissioner’s website for more guidance). However, the therapist is not allowed to share with you or anyone else (including purely curious police officers who do not have a relevant Court Order) anything that is not about you and is not yours. If the therapist complied and shared data outside of legal guidelines and law, this could land them in all sorts of big legal trouble.

Your therapist is a human being also. They need rest times, in order to be fully with you at your times. Thus, unless agreed, when your therapist is not working, they may not see ‘work’ contacts until next working time. They’re unlikely to be ignoring you to cause hurt.

Your private practice therapist is also not an emergency worker. They genuinely can’t be available 24/7. In urgent matters of health, or threat to life, the national emergency services are tasked to be available and to assist at these times. In extremes, in the UK 999 is the number to call for swift help. For someone to talk to urgently, The Samaritans phone service doesn’t show up on phone bills, so can be called in the knowledge that no-one will see that you have done. Your local mental health services may have a crisis team able to respond to urgencies short of 999 level.

And so, where respect is held and understood as a two-way matter, that is a solid start point for a useful and meaningful working relationship with your therapist. The notions presented above don’t make an exhaustive list, you might have some ideas that you might wish to add to any list of this nature, but perhaps holding on to respect will enable trust to grow and to reinforce any improvements you find therapy helps you to build.

There are professionals who can help, who don’t have huge waiting lists, and who have a track record of being of use to those who are looking to improving life feelings and dropping emotional baggage that weighs heavily on the soul.
Get in touch – we’re here.
Tel/text 07906260310

Rosalyn Young is a qualified mental health nurse with over 30 years
Experience in govt and private agencies helping those in crisis
and in recovery. She has studied counselling to degree level,
and specialises in working with survivors of childhood abuse
and neglect, PTSD, DID, and emotional regulation problems.
She lives in Lincolnshire with her husband and a variety of
companion animals, is a keeper of bees, brewer of mead, and student of
growing things in the garden.
Contact her on 07906260310, or email contact@timeforcounselling.co.uk